Love and connection, essentially the same thing, are the most profound needs of the human psyche. Why is it that so many of us struggle with this area of life? When you break down your daily life and habits, why is it you do what you do? I’m willing to guess it’s for love. Many people work hard to get jobs they don’t want, to buy things for people they don’t like, only to live a life disconnected and without love. Have you experienced this before? I sure know I have.
What makes us do things we don’t want to do? The answer to that question is love. However, this “love” is more of a pseudo love; it is not a real love. This type of situation is more about ego-gratification; it is more about “me and I” than about the other person. The good news is there is another reality. There is a law of love that exists outside the disconnected realm of our ego, a law free of the past and filled with real love. Let me show you the way there!
What is real love?
Most of us have no idea what real love is, and that’s exactly why we go around trying to get it from others, only to feel unfulfilled. After many failed attempts for love, we still sense there is something more, something better, and someone better, though this couldn’t be further from the truth. You may not be consciously aware of this, but we are quite afraid of love.
We have dual minds. Our ego keeps us in the past, filled with fear and guilt. Our higher self only exists in the present where there are no fears, only love. The past puts our mind in a state of flight-or-fight; we are constantly trying to correct our mistakes, avoid pain, and essentially miss out on the present moment. Really, the only path to real love is to know what love is not. Real love is not of the past or future, it is not based on fear, conditions, needs, or desires. That leaves only the present moment for real love to rejoice and celebrate. As the saying goes, “there is only fear and love.”
So how do you move from the ego mind to the higher mind to experience the law of love? To make things simpler, I will break it down into a few bite-sized pieces.
Following the Law of Love
Practice Self Love: Step one is to acquire self-love. The saying is true, “If you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else.” Before you move on to unconditional love for others, you have to experience it for yourself.
This seems selfish, but it’s only selfish if you stop at this step. If you stop at loving yourself, without moving forward to love others, your love will be poor. No one has told you to love yourself because they’re trying to imitate the great lovers of the world without knowing what they went through first. You have to come to an actual understanding that unconditional love is not only possible but the way to real fulfillment and satisfaction.
First, fill your cup; what spills over is for others to have. Give it a try and you’ll see how quickly it happens. You have been sitting on a fountain of love this whole time, but going out trying to take it from others! Get good sleep, eat well, exercise, spend time on soul nourishing hobbies, express your voice, and so on. The more you do this, the sooner you’ll realize your inner wealth and the sooner you’ll be sharing it! This is how love moves from selfish to unconditional, by removing the need for others to give you love. You have experienced firsthand that you know how to love yourself and that you are complete. Now your relationships will not be a fight over who can get more love—they’ll be a beautiful sharing!
Express your ego’s desires: This is a fundamental step in moving from the ego to pure love. Many people attempt to follow advice on how to love more, only to fail with more frustration. We role model great teachers of love, like Jesus and Buddha, but the problem is we try to mimic the effect without knowing the cause. In other words, you cannot become enlightened by pretending to be enlightened. Real love is something that happens to you, and in its purest definition is completely authentic. If you want to have love flow in your life, you must be authentic about it.
It is hard to love someone unconditionally when your mind is racing off a million and one conditions first. If you try to suppress your ego and “just be nice,” you will eventually feel depressed. What you suppress becomes depressed in the body, so to free yourself of those emotions you must first express. By expressing your egoist mind, you take away its power. That which you share with others loses its power. This is a fundamental commonality in depressed people. They do not express their emotions out of fear of rejection in some way or another. However, by expressing your mind, those desires and conditions fall to the ground. You then open the gates to authenticity, the present moment, and real love.
Choose love over fear: Now that you’ve removed the primary block to love, you should be filled with life and consciousness. Using that consciousness, you get to choose love over fear. Most of our fearful destructive actions are habitual and occurring without any awareness. In your moment, ask yourself, “Do I choose to experience love or fear?” “Am I looking for love or am I running from fear?” “Is this my ego seeking love for me, or am I sending love to others?” Most of our thoughts are not loving because they’re unconscious and conditioned thoughts of the past. Ask better questions to bring yourself to a state of awareness of what is happening. This frees us of any deeper conditionings that we may not have expressed already in step one.
Give without expectations: In our world, we have come to believe that when we give we lose. This is because our modern world is largely trapped in the exterior, the numbers, the accounts, and so on. However, in the greater reality of love this law doesn’t exist. In fact, to give is to receive. This is essentially the Law of Love.
Underneath the surface of our jobs, bank accounts, and appearances there is an abundance of love that is always full. We all know this is true deep down. Those times we “pay it forward” or do a good deed are all acts of unconditional love. By giving our love, we increase our own. However, we often lose sight of this.
Living too much in the world of numbers and material, we fail to realize that the external world will never fully satisfy us. This is why we go searching to get love instead of give it. We get into relationships or situations that will give us “love.” Ultimately, we only feel trapped in this illusion. Then the search for something deeper begins. To give unconditionally is the remedy. Removing the expectations of a situation leaves the door open for unlimited possibilities. Expectations not only set us up for possible failure, but they even narrow any reward that might be coming our way. You might expect a raise and have missed out on starting your own dream company. You might expect a “soul mate” and miss out on an unconditional family love. Take down your standards and expectations today and love someone for no reason and see what happens.
The key is to practice daily. It takes a conscious effort to not fall victim of our conditioned and fearful beliefs. If you want to experience a life of love, then you have to be courageous enough to live in the moment. This is the formula I’ve experience myself, to move from no love to endless love. I hope as you experiment for yourself, you too find a path to more unconditional love. Remember, this is a process, it is perhaps the process, so be patient and enjoy all that unfolds for you along the way.